Welcome to my rather peculiar author website. Same ol’, same ol’? No way. Here you’ll find stories, audiobook reviews, satire, and some persuasive commentary on how to avoid throwing the bath water out with the baby. To wit, a LIST of things to avoid in order to spare Medicare, S.S., and the economy as a whole from otherwise inevitable collapse. Every month there’s something new, and all you have to do is place your cursor over the Home button to see. Best of all, you don’t have to be Arnold Schwarzenegger to brake the hand cart we’re racing to hell. Just take the pledge, then email ten friends about what you’ve done. Oh, and JustSayNoWay.com just looks better on a bumper sticker too, don’t you think?
|Make the pledge: Just say “no way” to the items on the following list. . .1) Incandescent high-wattage light bulbs
2) High fructose corn syrup (used in sodas, fruit juices, etc.)
3) Heavy “fuelish” vehicles (not driven specifically for work)
4) Snack foods (containing refined white sugar, bleached flour, salt, preservatives)
5) Nicotine & other “recreational” drugs (or toxins)
6) Fast foods (containing saturated fats, trans-fats, hormones, chemicals, dyes)
7) “Military welfare” (while believing dictators are holding “democratic” elections)
8) Binge drinking (or eating)
9) Extravagant or wasteful use of air conditioning and heating
10) Throwaway plastic bottles (as for bottled water)
11) Wood construction (as primary building material)
12) Ethanol (as alternative fuel source)*
13) Teen pregnancy (here and abroad)
14) Credit card debt
15) Entitlement fraud (as an epidemic)
16) Government waste (as a “simbiotic” epidemic)
17) Career politicians (supported by lobbyists seeking lavish Earmarks)
Recommended reading or listening: “In Defense of Food,” about how refined, processed foods
came to replace real foods, to the detriment of America’s health; “Plan B 3.0,” about how to rescue
our deteriorating environment; “Darkness Falls,” a thriller about what would happen if foreign oil
suddenly. . .stopped; “A New Earth,” Eckhart Tolle’s new Oprah pick about dissolving the ego by
finding one’s true identity (why do we need so much “stuff” anyway?); and “Awakening Storm,”
my own audiobook thriller about strange weather, greedy televangelists, and coffee addiction.
|According to Discover magazine, coal-burning power plants now emit 2.1 BILLION TONS of carbon dioxide each yearin the United States alone. China releases even more. And we haven’t built a new nuclear power plant in how long?
Wall Street is overrun by hungry BEARS. Meanwhile, Indian tourist authorities say they will no longer accept
DOLLARS for entrance to the Taj Mahal. And at home, rapper Jay-Z waved a wad of EUROS in a music video.
Could this have anything to do with the Iraq war, which may end up costing taxpayers over $3 TRILLION?
|CELLS BELLSEvery so often the good folks at National Geographic come out with a map showing the devastations
on our planet directly caused by the increasing numbers of people abusing cell phones. Of course they
don’t mention cell phones per se, but the logic is inescapable. Obviously the more people who have cell
phones, the more pollution there is, and the more erosion, and acid rain, and global warming, and–
most of all–traffic accidents. Now, you know you’re over-using your cell phone if you’re eating fast food
while driving, or trying to make a left turn with one hand while arguing about the probability of a piece
of toast landing butter side down. (If not yakking while giving birth in the back seat to a baby whose first
words will be “Mini Van!”)
They are saying that we’ve become a nation of small talkers. Given all the chat rooms and glutted
email servers, maybe they are right. Even their saying this is small talk, whoever “they” are. And maybe
my saying this about them proves their point. And mine.
What is my point? Well, I’m not sure, but for one thing, the word “cells” has a bad connotation, being
linked to terrorist cells and jail cells. Maybe people who abuse cell phones indiscriminately are the same
ones who take home those tabloid rags they sell at supermarket checkouts, too. Makes sense. My theory
on that is that cell phone abusers tend to bore easily, and feel uncomfortable having any deep thoughts
outside of who their favorite celebrities are dating, which diva is wearing what, or how much some sports
god got paid for jumping teams. And so to purge themselves of all the random tidbits which stream through
their minds continuously, (as well as to maintain some illusion of importance), they cycle and recycle all the
useless information in the world, while informing everyone they know about everything they’re doing.
“Hi, Mavis? I’m on twenty-second street now, making a turn north on 16th. I’m going to pick up some kittie litter
for Tom-Tom. How’s Pollie doing? Did you feed her some of those new soy crackers yet? (horn honks) Oops, that was
a close one. Hey, did you hear about Lindsay and Paris, the latest stunt? (ambulance siren passing) What’s that? I
can’t hear you. Okay, I’m approaching Broadway now. Did you hear about the new Tom Cruise movie? No? Okay, I’ll
tell you all about it, stay by your phone, okay?”
Next time you’re standing in line behind some yutz trying to cash a two-party payroll check, test the
theory. Look around for anyone reading the article BRITNEY DEBACLE, then ask them if they own the
latest cell phone. You’ll be shocked. Or maybe not. Cell phones are like cigarettes, or being drafted into
the Cola wars. These people are seriously bored. Abusers can become like stuporous TV addicts, too, hoping
that high def or Blue Ray results in entertainment Nirvana.
Television, of course, is that other vast wasteland of networks and cable stations which serves as
substitute mother and father to American kids. Addiction to it is readily apparent to anyone walking down
the street at 9 P.M. and witnessing that odd light flickering against the drapes of every house in any
neighborhood. Surveys contend that teens can average 6 hours of viewing (or talking) a day, but with a
nationwide average of only 3 hours you’d have 750,000,000 man-hours a day to work with, or 85,616 years.
That’s 1223 LIFETIMES per day or 446,395 LIFETIMES of viewing (or talking) per year. In many cases these
are foreshortened life spans as well, considering the unhealthy nature of sitting so long in the vicinity of
chips and ice cream, (and with vein-obstructing Meat Lovers Pizza only a cell phone call away.) No wonder
we’re so fat, and why actors and sports stars are our cultural icons. We envy them! We know them better
than we know our neighbors, too. Yet what we are starting to realize is that there isn’t going to be any
magical life, full of Indiana Jones intrigue and romance at the end of the graded asphalt we’re all crawling
toward the mall (to buy our monster TVs and “smart” phones). Particularly if our will to resist the herd
mentality has been weakened by the pop culture of systematic advertising. Oh well, we tell ourselves. Maybe
Darth Vader was right. Resistance is futile. Not to mention that it’s as difficult as swimming upstream only
to spawn and die.
Ultimately, though, it isn’t high tech devices that could spell doom for us as a nation. (iPods are
wonderful things, as long as you’re listening to good books or real music on them). It’s not prejudice,
greed or politics, either. These things are certainly threats, but they pale beside the great devastations
of delusion. Because delusion directly results in dying oceans, famine, war and disease, due to content
quality erosion, which is often disguised by media hype, software upgrades, and vapid news reports as
mind numbing and ubiquitous as cell phone chatter. Delusion stretches from the average Joe on the street
(buying an extended cab pickup in order to drive to the Mini-Mart for 64 ounce doses of liquid candy) to
the terrorist (strapping on a bomb while thinking about 99 virgins), to the Oval Office itself, where one
man on a mission can succeed in spending the retirement savings of generations yet to come (by imagining
the way to kill cockroaches is with a sledgehammer).
Mission accomplished? Pick up a cell phone and let me know what you think.